Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Point Day

I’ve visited the Steel City many times, and even attended school in the rural area outside the city at California University. Yep, you read it right. It is a state university I chose to matriculate when I was a teenager. I picked the school for several reasons. One, I wanted to go somewhere far enough away from my home town of Philly so I could “start over” with a new identity (which essentially means I could get away with telling people I was a famous comedian, as well as a black belt in Tae Kwan Do karate.) I had learned enough moves and kicks while getting ... [Read More]

Legs & Legos

Just returned from a Memorial Day holiday in San Diego with the family. It’s becoming increasingly difficult to appeal to all the ages of our sons, who are 13, 7 and 2. Even on the drive down from LA, it was tough choosing the appropriate music for all to hear. The teen likes hip-hop, and the youngest is requesting “Baby Beluga.” It got to the point where I was hoping to find a combo CD of “Rug Rat Rap,” where Snoop Dogg bangs out nursery rhymes. “Mary had a little scam, fleeced her man, now she’s on the lam." Or… “Ole McDonald bought the farm, capped by the high-heeled ho. ... [Read More]

The Wrong Fit

As a frequent traveler and enthusiastic diner, one would think my immediate inquiry upon checking into a hotel would be to ask about their workout facilities. Most people I work with rank it as the highest priority in required amenities. Not me. I used to joke in my comedy routine that I “work out once a year…January 2nd, when I join a new club.” As with most humor, there’s much truth in this. I’ve signed up for countless fitness clubs, usually after a well-intentioned New Year’s Resolution, and I swear every time it will be a regular commitment, only to fade away and never be seen on their ... [Read More]

Toys and Boys

Connecting with my children ranks high on my priority list. I work hard at my job, but always with the intent of finding quality free time to hang with family. Any left over money is used for a little bit of spoiling too, including the recent purchase of a Wii and an Xbox, meaning I was the enabler for what is now a house of video-game addicts. When you procure the system, I forget you have to keep buying the drugs to go into the bong. I think I need Wii-hab. We have three young sons, 2, 7, & 13. I tend to bond with our boys as ... [Read More]

Missing Peaches in Georgia

Playing golf along with Richard Kind at Sherwood

I don’t watch much televised golf. If I am going to take four hours away from my family, I’d better be the one playing, not spending my day rooting for a player I had never heard of, just because I can pronounce his name. This year, a guy named Bubba won the Masters, much to my delight, since the runner up was something like “Oozeelederhosen.” There’s just something alluring about the Masters. I’m not sure whether it’s the pristine and historic golf course they refer to every five seconds, or the half dozen regally sounding British announcers making it seem like you are on a museum tour ... [Read More]

Spring Fake

I just finished working in Denver, a place where I really seem to connect with the audience. Only bummer was, it was tough to pull large numbers, since apparently a lot of people were away on spring break, where wet tee shirts and shots of Jager take precedence over a night of laughs, although I certainly have had a few chuckles when I watch a drunk spring breaker take a face plant on the boardwalk. To me, there is not much organic fun going on at the springtime destinations. Yes, there is a lot of “woo!!” yelling, but it seems like this is to signify you ... [Read More]

Put me in Coach!

Last week, I spoke at a southern California high school “success club.” I’ve been so busy with projects of late, including gearing-up for my debut podcast, that I waited till the last moment to prep for my talk on how to “make it,” which was ironic, considering how scattered their respected speaker was on that particular day. Here I am driving 90 miles with a legal pad on my passenger seat, scribbling notes regarding how to organize one’s life for a successful career. I’m going back to a high school with nothing learned. Three decades later, I’m still cramming. And I did feel a little creepy too, ... [Read More]

Northern Comfort

  Spiderman’s uncle once noted that “with great wisdom comes great responsibility.” It can also rightly be said that with great age comes great girth. I've put on some pounds. If I’m mowing my lawn, you can spot me on Google Earth. Even my wife, who is the kindest and most gentle person I have ever met said, “Wow Craig, you sure can put on weight fast.” I don’t believe it was a compliment. In show business I have my picture taken often, so I’d prefer to be less conscious of getting caught in the candid shot, where I am not doing the suck-in belly pose. I am surely smiling ... [Read More]

Heaving Las Vegas

“What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.” Er, no. I got news for the Nevada tourism board – my chapped lips came back home with me. Your town might be wet with excitement, but that air could chafe a waterfall. I spent last weekend in Las Vegas. When I say, “spent,” I mean it in every definition of the word. All five senses appeared to be under attack, and days later I’m still recovering. My eyes water from the sand storms, my nose bleeds from the arid climate, and I’m still trying to get the taste of bad taste wiped from my memory. I didn’t touch a natural textile ... [Read More]

Trip to Generation Gap

Craig Shoemaker and Family

I just finished a minivancation with my wife and three sons. After a few hours of road monotony in the loser cruiser and running out of "I spy with my little eyes," the kids started displaying their various forms of cranky and I began to turn into an old codger. The more miles we went, the more I realized how many miles are on me. As much as I think I'm hip, I'm shot down by my middle schooler telling me how un-hip I am, and that actually using the word "hip" is also un-hip. I use the phrase "in my day" with them too. I ... [Read More]